Be My Valentine #4

Song of Songs 2:15
"Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom."

Gentlemen, I have tried to lay out over the last few days that if we truly say we love, care, and treasure our wives and the covenant we've made with them there are certain things that we must do and truths that we must understand. I have made clear that our covenants are a treasure from God and our wives, a gift that God has given us, His most beautiful creation and uniquest design. Knowing this there are certain ways we must act and things that we must do intentionally. Yesterday I listed and explained some external "foxes" that will eat away and destroy our marriage. Today I want to highlight and show some internal "foxes" from our own lives that we must be aware of so that they will not destroy and create a horrible marriage covenant.

Little fox #1- Selfishness- This is the most important problem that we need to be aware of that is internal. Husbands we are called by God to follow Jesus example in His relationship to the church in how we should be with our wives. Just like Jesus, we should be sacrificial with everything we are, giving all of ourselves to our wives and putting them first before anything we want or desire. Selfishness is the first thing that will divide and destroy our covenants. It will separate and put a rift between us and our wives. Only when we are selfless and sacrificial can we truly know love and say that we understand it. True love is sacrificial and others focus. We need to ask about our wives, what are her passions, what does she like, what drives her, what are her needs? These are the questions that should be asked so that selfishness is stopped before it ever takes a bite out of the covenant root.

Little Fox #2- Pride- So what matter most to us, husbands? Pride is rooted in selfishness and flows from it. The little fox of pride will help show and reveal a deeper problem so when we see the fox of pride we know there is serious root problems in our marriage. Yes, God calls the husbands to be leaders in the home but that does not give us a place to rule with an iron fist. I know that men are not always right and know everything. I will say without hesitation that my wife is right at least half the time which means that at best I am right only half the time. God created women to be different which gives them an understanding for other things in life that men do not know or understand. Rather than putting down our wives we should be tapping into the gift that God has given us in how He created the women of this world. Is it really worth destroying another creation of God just to say we are right? What does our beloved know better than we do? What passions and knowledge has God given her that could be helpful for the family? What type of personality has God created in her? What unique gifts has he given to her? Asking these questions can stop the pride from blossoming into a ugly sinful plant that will kill the marriage.

Little Fox #3- Lust- this little fox is obvious. If we are admiring other women and gazing at the beauty that is not ours we will destroy the beauty and grace we have at home. So let me just get this out there to state it. Porn is wrong and a sin and it will destroy your marriage and life in a single minute. But also admiring and engaging in the good looks of other women is just as wrong. Yes, God created women to show off his beauty and creative side but that does not means we can ponder, gawk, and stare at it. Lust can also be called flirting, friending, and having special relationships with someone of the opposite sex. Your wife must be the most intimate and closest person in life and you must tell her everything and she must be able to ask you anything. So here are some questions that we should ask about our wives to stop the lust from running around the vineyard. How has God given my beloved beauty in unique features? What makes her cute and attractive? What does she do and say that makes her sexy? How does she turn you on? Ask yourself some of these questions and realize that if we stop lusting I guarantee our wives will turn us on in only a single minute....I will put my money where my mouth is on that one. Stop lusting after something else and I have no doubt she will turn you on. That is how God designed and created it to work.

Little Fox #4- Malice- Malice is a state of the heart. It is a description of a heart that is ugly, vile, and just down right sinful. 1 Peter connects malice with deceit, envy, hypocrisy, and all kinds of slander. Whereas 1 Corinthians says a heart that is true and full of love is connected to patience, kindness, not proud, not envious, not boastful, not rude, not angry, not self seeking, and the heart of love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. So what kind of heart do we have if we truly want to protect and keep our covenant? Malice is a great way to find out if we need to have a heart change and readjust with God how we are viewing our marriage and wives. So what do you say about your wife when she is not there? What do you tell others about your wife? How do you view and what do you think about her? Asking these questions will show you if the little fox of malice has begun to nibble at your marriage vineyard.

Little Fox #5- Idols- This little fox is not obvious. But it is a huge ugly fire breathing fox that we must stomp out. Let me try and say this clearly, our wives must not be the most important thing in our lives. Jesus must be our all and all. We must live, die, breath, worship, and praise Jesus above all. Jesus must be first and the true only love of our lives. We must never compromise Jesus for our wives or anything else. When our wives come before Jesus our marriage is failed and done. If we as men want to truly have an amazing, deep, full, creative, and wonderful marriage; Jesus must be our first priority and service. Loving Jesus will let our marriage blossom. We must not let our wives or marriage come before Jesus and our love for Him. So here are some questions to think about and help discover whether we have a heart idol issue in the form of our wives and marriage. How do our wives hurt us when it comes to loving Jesus? How can my wife strengthen and encourage my walk with God? Does my wife allow and help me find true full repentance? Do we pray with, talking about, and study God and Jesus together? Does my marriage drive me to Jesus or away from Him? If there is only one line to remember this whole week this is the one. OUR COVENANT WITH OUR BELOVED MUST DRIVE US TO JESUS AND STRENGTHEN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD OR SOMETHING IS WRONG.

Gentlemen, I have tried over the last 3 days to lay out some things that we must be aware of and deal with if we are truly going to have an amazing and God honoring marriage. I pray that they have taught you as much as I have learned as I have written them down and exposed them. Tomorrow I want to take a look at romance and the fun that it can be.